Sister Wife Order | Forum

Topic location: Forum home » Relationships » I Need Advice
wickeddewdrop Jan 23
I would like to pose three questions to everyone on this site: 

1). Why would being the first, second, third, fourth wife etc... matter to either females wishing to join a family unit or females already in a family unit?

2). If there is a difference between being a first, second, third, fourth wife etc to you.....does it impact your decision making when looking for a family unit or accepting a female into your family unit?

3). Do the above two questions matter to the males on this site? If so, why? 

I do not know the answers to these question(s) because in my head the order should not matter and yet I know that it does to many existing wives, the husband, and sister wife prospects. 

Thanks for taking the time to answer these complicated questions! 


The Forum post is edited by wickeddewdrop Jan 23
Ready2Love2 Jan 23
I don't have any answers because I'm new to the polylife myself. Just wanted to say there great questions & I'm looking forward to seeing the response it generates.

Christslave Feb 15
I am still in a monogamous relationship, so I am not super qualified to respond. I do believe everyones input is valid and useful. I can see why the initial wife may have wisdom from more years in the relationship. On the other hand, a fresh set of eyes could see something unnoticed or overlooked. Maybe give and take would bring the best results in many situations. We just need to stay humble and respectful, we are all valued children of God.
cassytonytn Feb 15

Ill try and answer this the best I can. Firstly if its a couple and they are getting there first new partner there have to be new trust relationships developed. Both families and prospective wives (partners) get taken advantage of by low life individuals. For instance I'd hand over the house keys but not the family bank account till trust had been established. Same goes for the new wife. I don't see anything wrong with either party contributing to the other just be on the air of caution. After a established relationship has taken place, Coming from a biblical perspective set by the examples we have in Genesis there should be no difference. And there are rules against a husband who neglects the first wife or any wife for that matter. Think this simple rule: A man should love his wife as Christ loves the church. This also means if your wives or wife is going to be in discord you better not take any other wives. " Love not force" I love what Christslave said. The wisdom of the first wife can be very helpful to a new wife in the family. A Christ Centered family this should not matter. This matters: God Husband Wives Children Other family Friends in that order. God is the head of everything. The husband is head of the Family. The wives are head of the Children. And a wise husband leads his family with guidance from God and the bible, and with great counsel of his wives  and in some cases children. Christslave Said :We just need to stay humble and respectful, we are all valued children of God. Ladies if you want the other wife wive to like you listen to that advise. It can be very very hard on a wife to go through this. 

So no. This isn't TV or Big Love and I wouldn't want it to be. Unfortunately we don't have any models in the world to set this by.  So i believe that is how many people get that perspective. We have to look at the Bible and think, read, and study How did they do it? What are the clues? What are the roles of the husband and wife? When we do that then these questions become very clear.

God bless you and your families!



Hi Wicked. I missed your post back in Jan as I was off the site. I hope a delayed response is still of some use to you.

1) Since I am not female, I cannot give you anything other than my perspective. I would gather that nobody wants to be last in line. What is usually true is that a new wife lacks history with the family, so if there is conflict (as there certainly will be at some point) the fear is that more established members of the family may band against a new person. But that lack of history can be a doubled edged sword. I am more likely to pause a moment of irritation if it is the first time something has happened to me, instead of the 12th. Meaning, even mis-steps in family life, finances, child rearing, etc can be easier to forgive in the heat of the moment with a newer person. Ideally a first wife has more political equity and sway, but in reality we all have different things that we do well for the family, so it works out a little more organically. I think the regimentation of hierarchy only exists in either deeply religious families or cable TV shows.

2) Again, not a wife, but I expect if we had a more significant imbalance (4 or 5 wives) then adding another person would water down personal time even further. I think each person views this differently, and at different times in the relationship.

3) Yes, in the scope of underlying reasons and trying to talk things out to avoid conflict or bad feelings. No, in the sense of the placement and title has pretty much zero bearing on how our family operates in day to day life with the rare exception of introducing Heidi as my first wife and Molly as my second. Individually they usually introduce the other two of us as their husband and wife.

I hope this provides some perspective.


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